There was a gentleman who came from Birmingham

He lived inside a house and drove a yellow van

He had a pair of legs two elbows and a nose

And when he had a bath he took off all his clothes

Each morning as he woke he opened up his eyes

He got out of his bed using muscles in his thighs

He walked into the bathroom and brushed all of his teeth

He started with the top ones then did the ones underneath

His name was Neil Norman Wilkinson

And he wore a pair of trousers nearly all the time

He drank tea with a dash of milk in it

Could there ever be a more perfect Neil than he?

Maybe

Each day he went to work and then he came back home

And then he went to work again and then he came back home

And then the next day he went to work again and then he came back home again

And then he did that for the next two days and then it was the weekend

He used his lungs to breathe in oxygen

And he used the toilet whenever the need arose

And at night he normally went to bed

And there ends the tale of Neil Norman Wilkinson