My life is wonderful

I live alone inside a cave

And it can get quite cold

And birds keep pooing all over my things

Oh well, I don’t mind because I like it in my cave

Even though a man came and stole my dog

And chopped him up for firewood

Oh my life is wonderful

I wouldn’t change it for the world

My father used to beat me up

And he wouldn’t let me go to school

He said I was useless and annoying

And a complete waste of space

He once put my guinea pig in the oven

And turned it up to gas mark 8

My life is wonderful

My wife is having an affair

I love her more than words can say

And I cry myself to sleep ever night

My life is wonderful,

I dropped my passport down a well

My finger’s got a paper cut

And I’ve run out of frizz ease for my hair

I’m now developing chest pains

And I’ve got nothing to eat

My horoscope this morning said that

My life is about to get much worse

My life is wonderful

My favourite mug has got a crack

A horse has eaten all my clothes

And my neighbours started learning the violin

He only knows ‘Frere Jacques’

And the theme from Different Strokes

I bought some peanuts the other day

And they tasted a little bit funny

My life is wonderful

My bed is made out of a pointy rocks

I’ve lost my Tesco’s Clubcard

And a bear’s just bitten off half of me leg

from ‘The Elliot Mason Show Album’

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