Me father was a peaceful man

He shot a priest and stabbed me Nan

He drowned a rabbit in the bath

And nailed his head above the hearth

Me father was a peaceful man

Me uncle was a lovely fellow

He’d punch you if you just said hello

He’d push our face into a cactus

If we moaned well then he’d whack us

Me uncle was a lovely fellow

Me sister was a super lassie

She rugby tackled Shirley Bassey

She threw a strop in KFC

And drove me car into a tree

Me sister was a super lassie

Me mother was a gentle woman

She’d shoot you if she saw you comin’

She bit the head off all who met her

Bitched about you in a letter

Me mother was a gentle woman

from ‘The Elliot Mason Show Album’

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