When they changed Marathon to Snickers

I nearly wet myself

And when they changed Opal fruits to Starburst

I feared for my mental health

When they changed Oil of Ulay to Olay

I threw my wife off a cliff

But nothing affected me quite the way

The day they turned Jif to Cif

When they changed Dime Bar to Daim Bar

I vomited into my socks

And when the Millennium Dome became the 02 Arena

I nailed myself into a box

When they changed Emmerdale farm to Emmerdale

The shock turned my hair to a quiff

But nothing affected me quite the way

The day they turned Jif to Cif

Why do things change?

Why do things change?

Just leave ’em be

Won’t you just leave ‘em be for me

When Tanganyika and Zanzibar became Tanzania

Steam billowed out of my ears

And when Richard Whiteley became Des O’Conner

It brought to life all of my fears

When they changed Immac to Veet I confess

I let loose a tear and a sniff

But nothing affected me quite the way

The day they turned Jif to Cif

When they changed Prince to a squiggly mark

I stabbed myself with a fork

And when they changed Labour to New Labour

I went on a three and a half mile walk

When East 17 became E17

I reached for my handkerchief

But nothing affected me quite in the way that

The day they turned Jif to Cif, did

Why do things change?

Why do things change?

Just leave ’em be

Won’t you just leave ‘em be for me

Cos nothing affected me quite the way

The day they turned Jif to Cif

Why do things change?